Life through the toilet bowl

I've been thinking lately about how un-fun it really is to be sick all the time. Thankfully, all of this time being sick has given me time to think like a true artist. I watch all of these strange shows on tv - mostly decorating but some are just bizarre collecting shows - and saw that someone has actually made toilet seat art out of around 500 toilet seat rejects from a manufacturer.

So, here's my idea. In 1993, I went to Europe for a month and saw about half of the really important things you must see when you are in Europe - the Rijksmuseum (http://rijksmuseum.nl/index.jsp) in Amsterdam, the Diamond Factory, Anne Frank's house (http://www.annefrank.org/content.asp), the Dutch Masters' paintings - including, of course, the Nightwatch by Rembrandt, the Louvre, the Colleseum, etc. You get the picture. The only problem with the trip was that I found out I was pregnant about a week before I left, which I didn't think was going to be a problem. Yeah, right. I was so sick that I got to test toilets across Europe for smell, quality of toilet paper, etc. as I gracefully and sometimes not-so-gracefully puked my way through the countryside and city alike.

As a side note, I must add that Europeans seriously need to air-condition their continent. That's why Americans invented the air-conditioner - to better the world, not just America. And Geneva, Switzerland had the worst restroom I had ever seen - no stall doors or seats on the toilets, and they did not provide toilet paper. However, it was a public restroom - out by their famous gardens - and I did not have to pay for it, like I did all the others, so that was nice.

Okay, well it sucked and I kissed the American soil and, in particular, the KFC, when I returned. After throwing up blood and being hospitalized, I found out I was suffering from hyperemesis - a fancy Latin word for, "You sure puke a lot!" I decided that I would have to go back to Europe when I wasn't pregnant so that I could enjoy it.

As luck would have it, I moved to Germany with my ex-ex-ex-husband (emphasis added for his personality flaws) in 1998, so I could see Europe without being pregnant and take my perfect little rocket-scientist four-year-old daughter with me to enjoy it. So, I got pregnant again, had hyperemesis again, spent a month in a hospital that wasn't air-conditioned during the dog days of summer, and discovered that Europe causes hyperemesis. Not really. But trying to cool off was a beast. Our apartment building had a cement floor basement, and there and the butter section in the commissary were literally the only cool places you could go. No air-conditioned department stores, grocery stores, or libraries. It royally sucked. Europe through the toilet bowl.

So I was thinking, now that I know how to use Adobe Photoshop, I should take a variety of toilet pictures - you know, some of them flushing, some with interesting seats, whatever... and put all my pictures of Europe in the rippling water in the centers of the toilet and publish a book, since I've always said that I've only seen Europe through a toilet bowl.

I guess it's not just the decorator and collecting shows that are inspiring me - it's the inordinate amounts of time I've been spending lately with my toilet bowl, and the obvious cognitive depreciation that is occurring as a result.

But do you think the book would sell?